months after months

10months ago my heartbeat skipped for the most lovely moment in my life. my crush for four years is finally making a move:D

9months ago, he confessed and he asked me on a date. october 7th, we held hands on our first date.

8months ago, we sit for our final high school year exam. still happily in love and interrupted our study mood dramtically, just because we're so in love<3 style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">7months ago, we went for our high school prom together. oh yes, it was awesome with him, we hand in hand, publicly. he's a shy boy

6months ago, we went to a highland and have our first trip ever with friends( yes, we have protective parents) we slept together and make out till we fell asleep. i took his first kiss away. It's the most perfect kiss ever

5months ago, i worked in a place and needed his help. We have the whole room at that time, so we made out even more. Not forgetting our dates from lunch time till shopping complex closes<3 style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">want to leave each other.

4months ago, more making out sessions plus, went to his house when his family's away to have some privacy time. everything was just so perfect.

3months ago, we celebrated our half year anniversary. I never felt any happier b4. Went all the way to klcc twin tower. Nice scenery. Nice dating place. Its is where i felt so certain he is "The One"

2months ago, he didn't want to wish for our happy 7months. Thats where everything falls apart. *poof!* Without a warning, without a reason. And on May 29th, he said, 'Let's juz try to be friends'.

1month ago, he went outstation to study his piloting course. leaving me all alone, here. Alone. Claiming he's busy, claiming he's tired. In other words, no time at all for me.

Today, i'm not feeling any better because,
mhmm, i believe its true. But then again, i believe you’ll be the one i ever love the most too. Purely love. Don't ever ever forget this later part.


I like rainbow lines, dont you?(; Because, i spent 7rainbow months with my dear

And yet, i've survived for another chapter in life

College was alright(:
I guess i can say i couldn't ask for a better course(: (:
With awesome people and awesome lecturers. (psst, lecturers are hot too!)
But i'll never like how the fact i'm not starting this wonderful chapter of life with you. I couldn't share my happiness, my joy, my excitement with youu.
I couldn't share my first week of college struggles, my fast coming pile of courseworks that i need you mentally and physically to help me pull through all this *tasks* in life.
I couldn't do it myself. I'm out of breath. I need a- someone. Not just anyone randomly.
Why aren't you willing to do so? I can't breath anymore.

Btw, i like chemistry(: and i loveee psychology/ sociology / anthropology. Nature sciences and social sciences are awesome. I like science(: And i would like to learn one day why you, you and all of you react this way. Which i hope there'll be a solid scientific reason behind it.
I hope in all these i'll grow maturely and stronger as a human being. I'll cross over the bridge. After all, i've cried you a river and work hard in building the bridge just to cross over it. I'll cross, one day. Hopefully. And i'll never come back.
But then again,

Btw, i went for a orchestra audition. *fingers crossed* I hope i'll pass it. Did i tell you i love music too?(:
Have a great weekend everyone! I like fridays and i learn how to appreciate a weekend more. Since college is such a hectic thing. I have 3 tests and a presentation on the 3rd week of college! so yup, hope your weekend will be a good one. Spend it with your love one, please?<3

p/s: thanks for reading, it means a lot to me.


iloveyouph

Hmm

Wonder what happens on the first day of college life
Wonder who will i meet? Anymore angels out there?
Wonder how will i cope with the amount of subjects i have
Wonder what happens if i face failure once again
Wonder how should i manage my time
Wonder what happens if i don't get to sleep late anymore
Wonder what happens starting life w/o the lil someone
Wonder what happens if the lecturers hates me
Wonder what happens if i couldn't make new good friends

Dear God, i pray that you'll keep me safe in Your hands. (I know you will)
Wash away my fear dear Lord. That I'll trust in You and let You to be in control.
Lead me dear Lord. I'm lost without You.
Be with me. Be with me. I love you Lord, more than anything.
In Jesus most precious and worthy name i pray, Amen.

And how this song came by after i typed amen(:

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, All fear is gone,
Because I know, I know,
He owns the future.
And life is worth the living, Just because He lives."

Yes it is Dear Lord. Thank you(:

I hope i did a lil sth good here in this post too. I hope you'll know that the Lord God Almighty is there, for all of us. No one to be excluded, That's Him(: Awesome!
Have a blessed day, will you?(:

Because

LOVE makes the world go round
LOVE made things different
LOVE makes the ups
LOVE made me cheerful and HAPPYYYY

But without the one you love, loving you back,
it hurts
its sad
things that bring you joy doesnt really work because you lose your sunshineee
even though you were cared by many, its never the same again

My birthday was a few days ago..
Nopee, i wasn't a single second happy.
It was loaded with fb comments, msgs, text, phone calls and everything thoughtful from your friend.
But not loaded with the love one, at all.
Break up was juz less then a month ago, the pain is still there.

OH NOES.
i dont like this feeling:(
help?

I miss you dear

Holding hands.
No more holding on to youu?


Sitting/ being on you.
No more sitting on your legs and staring at youu?

Making out.

No more love bites or sloppy kisses with youu?

What happened to all the promises you made?
It all just swept away?

What happened to all the memories we made?
No more many new great ones to come?

What happened to you being loyal?
Loyalty is not a word anymore?

What happened to you appreciating me?
Don't appreciate US anymore?

What happened to 'i'm sad when you're sad?'
Damn it, i'm sad. It doesn't hit you a single bit now?

What happened to L is for love Y is for you?
It doesn't exist in your vocabulary now?

What happened to US? What happened?
Wasn't everything as awesome as it is?
Wasn't i loving you enough? Or was it too much?
Why a sudden surprise?
Why did we break up?
Why don't you love me anymore?
Why wasn't i given a chance?
Why did you leave me hanging?
What did i do? What did i not do?
HUHH?

But you know what, i made up my mind for the better.
You don't even deserve me!>:( and i chased after youu for so many years, to get an unripe fruit.
I'll never be fruitful with you. You're not even riped yet.
Thus the sour-ness eyh.
I would like to say YOU SUCKK! But then, i'll not say that.
I KNOW, you've made a lot of sacrifices. Normal things for a normal guy, but it takes a lot of courage for a person like you.

Who am i to complain?
I got us into this mushy-ness.
I got us into everything that we've been through together.
I probably forced you along the way.
I got us together.

So for that, i'll live with it. And i'll stay STRONG.

Never ever ever believe that love can change a guy eyh?
Never ever ever fully trust in someone eyh?
Never ever ever put your high hopes confidently eyh?
never ever ever feel to secure eyh?

I LEARNT MY LESSON.
A very painful lesson.
Filled with endless flowing of tears that the person i'm tear-ing for won't even give a damn in it.( I believe you do a lil, though)

But then, tomorrow is a mystery.
If you weren't meant for me, i'm gonna throw you away like a smelly shoe and buy a new one. New arrival!
I won't be as heartless as you , though. I'll remember you.
An eye opener to love reality.
So what i won't married my first boyfriend.
As long as i don't marry the wrong one.

I love you, ph.
It hurts.
LGMH. He doesn't love me anymore. But there's still hopes right?
I hope i don't regret having you. I hope you remain a sweet memory in my mind.
Not the later detail on you dumping me heartlessly.
Don't forget me?
I'll always always remember you?
You are very special to me! you know that.

LOVEEE
Your piggy.

Life goes on...

Well, what an awful month of May I had. Its awful. The month I cried the most in my life besides my baby days.

It was a awesome six months with my boy. Its half a year alright! And he was my first. Whats more important is, we had love in between to tie us. Then the 7th month came, where he didn't want to wish us on our 7 months. And it's where i sense something. Talked to him the next day(Saturday), he didn't want to reply. On Sunday, He told me he need a break. I got shocked. WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED?

And a month later, i ask if he wanted us to split, with avoiding the question from me a few times and denying he have no idea what to say, he ended up saying ' let's just be like friends'. I asked him why, he said, 'nothing, i just want to see what will happen'. Leave me hanging.

Sometimes, life is just like that isn't it? You don't like to put trust to it, but when you do, you do it with a lot of courage and you trusted it full heartedly, and there was hope. But when all this fall apart without warning, ouch. Doesn't it make you feel like a failure? And those trust were your strength too and it brings happiness. WHY IT HAPPENED? It's just life isn't it. I'll be stronger next time, IF i still have the courage, the trust, the hope received, the happiness i will get. Not a stab on the heart, not the tears that won't seem to stop falling, not the failure feeling. It hurts, it just hurt without warning. How much more courage could i give? How much more trust can i give to people? How much more strength will i have? All for this thing call happiness? I do not know. But i hope i still have it, not soon i will receive it, but i will gain back my courage, trust, and hope just for my happiness, just for the sake of living.


So what happened if my boyfriend dumped me? Life goes on. He don't give a damn! Why should i? But i will , cuz my heart is not cold. I'll be nice, i'll be nicee...

A lil extra week tp\o stay onto

My life kind of depends on the whole of this week.
I am going to sign up for my college on tuesday. Which is TODAY. Which college? What course? And all the what ifs question. It all seems confusing. My advice for those who are making a decision on college and stuff, do some research Yourself and listen a few advises. Trust me, You'll not want to listen to a whole load of people. The more you ask, the more confused you are. Just buy what they say in the internet like webpages. hehe What is life without risks? And for advise, please dont go to college counselors if can. They're not honest.

Thursday is where i get my high school final year's major exam result. And i am not too confident over my marks and will not assume flying colours.
Its Scary how i'm carrying a whole load of hopes of family and relatives and you know, the thing where you dont want to dissapoint people? Especially loved ones.

And there's so many stuff happening i feel like throwing it all away. Its like this big amoung of thing cover over you. And the cliche thing where you cant breath anymore. Iwant to breath the beautiful nice scented air of enjoyable life. Can I?

Life is sad if it doesnt go the way you wanted. And it just dont. So all we do is to hope and accepting. I love, yes i love eveything i have.
And i Thank you, God.
I love you

Lovee